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Midlife Crisis Forum

Response: Changing with Change

Dear Mike: I am a 47 year-old female, my husband will be 50 this September. We've been married for 29 years and still love each other very much.....we have always been best friends. Last year his career came to a crashing halt as he lost the business he had been building throughout our whole life together, for nearly 30 years. Talk about changes! The whole industry he has built his career in ( the Entertainment Industry--Audio for Video/Film productions) has gone through such a major technological change it is unbelievable. He has been struggling for a year now, trying to find his place, with no success, not even a ray of hope. We feel deeply sad over our "changes" but are searching for a way to see this as our "best years". I'm glad I logged on and found you in my search. I need to know what we are going through is "normal" and reading your articles may help to lighten up our anxiety. We also have five wonderful children, ages 20 through 29. Along with the job/career worries, we are watching our children grow and plan their own lives. We're very proud of them and close....too close. A couple of them have moved out of state and this is also making us deeply sad. My husband and I are very supportive of each other, but the problem is, we are both a wreck and feel such deep sadness, we feel we're losing our grip. I wanted to write to you to let you know your articles are much appreciated and needed. Please keep it up! Sincerely, Patti Leach

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August 28, 2000

What if you don't believe in tomorrow?????

flora--Victorville, Ca.


Hi Fora. You will belive in tomorrow again (I know; I've been where you are). Just hang in there for today and ask God to help you see the opportunities and blessings you have in spite of the tough things you are facing.




I became very frustrated and ticked off when I read this column. This is how I felt the first month after this form of hope and the risk of change; destroyed me and our families. My husband of twenty-two years walked out on me and our two wonderful daughters. He informed me weeks later that he had cheated the entire 22 years of our marriage. He would have been the mid-life crisis age of 24 in 1978.  Now! mid-life age is not  24. Or does this only happen to people that find a name to put on
anything to excuse what they have done, such as"mid life crisis". Your article only tells one point of view, yours. That is why I felt so strongly about responding immediately. What about the the lies, the deceit, the manipulation and the people left behind to clean up the mess. People that have experienced a mid-life crisis are unstable, have little to no self-esteem, and only care about themselves. And in your article you speak of affirming your belief in ourselves, in others, in our faith, and in our GOD,  you are only fooling yourself.  If you believed in yourself, in mankind, and practiced your faith in GOD everyday there would be one less word in the psych dictionary. There was some GOOD that came from what we experienced it forces the spouse and
loved ones to realize they were wasting their lives with a manipulator, a cheater, and someone that doesn't have enough nerve to look at themselves in the mirror.

I pray that you are happy, that way the rest of the world can be happy.

Thanks to the only God there is! God has shown me how to replace those hurting ideas with thoughts of love and gratitude.


Former co-dependent


Dear Former,


I know you're frustrated and angry, but . . .

(1) My article is in support of change not midlife crisis.

(2) Not everyone who goes through mlc has an affair.

(3) I am certainly not in favor of leaving a spouse only for so-called "personal happiness."

(4) I hope you will read on at Bestyears and see what this site is really all about.


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