No wonder the '90s have been such a hard pill to swallow. It is not that the present is so bad; it is just so much less than we were raised to expect.

Rain won't destroy your picnic if you take an umbrella along. Prepare for unexpected obstacles.

If our dreams are to come true, we will have to participate in their fulfillment.

A beautiful young woman grows up amid neglect and abuse only to one day experience love and honor in the arms of a prince. The Cinderella story has become the classic formula for happiness.

The equation goes like this: low expectations (Cinderella expected her hard life only to get harder) plus great realization (all her dreams came true) equals great happiness. The reverse is also true. Great expectations plus low realization equals great disappointment. I call it the Reverse Cinderella Syndrome.

This is why today's midlifers suffer such unparalleled disappointment. As journalist Landon Jones pointed out in "Great Expectations: America and the Baby Boom Generation," we were raised with lofty, often unrealistic expectations.

In 1967 Time chose the under-25 generation as Man of the Year. Wrote Time: "In its lifetime, this promising generation could land on the moon, cure cancer and the common cold, lay out blight-proof, smog-free cities, help end racial prejudice, enrich the underdeveloped world and, no doubt, write an end to poverty and war."

Now these are admirable goals, but how unrealistic to think they could all be attained in one generation! Add to this national optimism the entertaining but unrealistic TV shows of the era ("Leave It to Beaver," "The Andy Griffith Show," and others), and the unprecedented affluence of the day (most of our parents saw their real income double following World War II), and you have the creation of Cinderella-type expectations.

No wonder the '90s have been such a hard pill to swallow. It is not that the present is so bad; it is just so much less than we were raised to expect.

How can we deal with these unmet expectations?

Strangely enough, happiness often can be increased if we will lower our expectations. We set ourselves up for disappointment by expecting life to be easy and painless like in Cinderella's palace.

At midlife, we need to stop planning for best-case scenarios. Will your budget only work if all sources of income materialize and no unexpected bills come in? Don't place yourself in situations where only the ideal will work. Rain won't destroy your picnic if you take an umbrella along. Prepare for unexpected obstacles.

Expecting difficulties does not make you a pessimist, only a realist. And realism does not exclude happiness. Expect to succeed and have fun doing so even when life is hard.

We also can increase midlife happiness by raising the realization of our dreams. For most of us, no fairy godmother is going to show up with tickets to the ball. We will not win the lottery; nor will we inherit an unexpected fortune.

If our dreams are to come true, we will have to participate in their fulfillment. Consistent, honest and hard work marked Cinderella's upbringing, and it is still our most sure road to success.

Too often this generation has responded to life's normal setbacks with disillusionment and cynicism. We have stopped dreaming. But dreams that don't come true easily can still come true.

So go ahead; live the Cinderella story, but do it right: low expectations plus great realization equals great happiness.