Mike Bellah

Odds and Ends

 Note: The following absolutely useless lists reflect insights I have gained from observing midlifers. The first is affectionately dedicated to my friends in the Canyon, Texas High School Class of 1966 who celebrated their 30th reunion in 1996 (Although I'm not nearly their age, I know these people).

6 things to take to your 30th high school reunion

  • A multi-volume collection of pictures of your children and grandchildren.
  • A good excuse for declining to look at your classmates' versions of the above. Try this: "Sorry; Can't see a darn thing with these bifocals."
  • A picture of your teen-age son before he pierced his nose and died his hair green.
  • A patient spouse who can smile at jokes that only make sense if you were part of the Canyon High School Class of 1966.
  • Computer-altered photographs of your classmates from their senior picture that show how they should look 30 years later. If you can't get these, pay attention to the voice; it always gives them away. Or stand close to someone on the reunion committee; they will know who everybody is.
  • A set of ear plugs in case the loud rock and roll music you loved so much in the '60s still is.

5 things that will prompt a midlife crisis

  • Your teen-age daughter comes home with new jewelry--hanging from her tongue!
  • On the day you send your youngest off to college, your doctor gives you the good news: you are pregnant.
  • Your 46-year-old husband announces that he has quit his dental practice to train as an emergency helicopter pilot for Rescue 911.
  • The know-it-all "kid" you trained last year at work becomes your new boss.
  • Your 50-year-old ex-husband, whom you only recently left and who has not held a steady job for 20 years, wins $30 million in the lottery.

Top 3 foods most midlifers claim to avoid

  • Double cheeseburgers
  • Cherry cheese cake
  • Movie-style buttered popcorn

Top 3 foods most midlifers regularly eat

  • Double cheeseburgers
  • Cherry cheese cake
  • Movie-style buttered popcorn

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