with
Mike Bellah
Top 10 Ways to Tell if Your Friend Is Having a Midlife Crisis
What does CBS's "Late Show with David Letterman" have that my columns do not? No, the answer isn't a host with a full head of hair. In fact, until this column, "The Late Show" had a top ten list, which I do not.
But no longer. Straight from the home office in Muleshoe, Texas--are you ready kids?--here are this week's top ten ways to tell if your friend is having a midlife crisis.
Drum roll, please.
Number 10
He starts clipping out real estate ads for sheep ranches in New Zealand.
Number 9
He wants to quit his job this winter and tour Alaska by dog sled.
Number 8
She informs her family that she no longer does windows, laundry, meals, or takes unsolicited questions.
Number 7
He uses the family van as a down-payment on a red 1996 Corvette convertible.
Number 6
He is seen cruising the local drag in said car, while sporting a flashy gold necklace and flowered shirt unbuttoned to his navel.
Number 5
She announces that she will not be participating in the annual family fishing trip to Colorado this summer, but has booked passage with some girls from work on a Caribbean cruise.
Number 4
He hangs an autographed picture of George Foreman next to his recently won trophy for the over-40 division of amateur hang gliders.
Number 3
She changes hairstyles more often than first lady, Hillary Clinton, and hair colors more often than basketball star, Dennis Rodman.
Number 2
Along with his slightly overweight and balding friends, he cancels this January's super bowl party to beat tom-toms and run naked through a nearby wilderness area in search of his "wild man."
Number 1
Dressed in the seductive garb of your average mid-century farm wife, she starts hanging around mid-western covered bridges.