Your friend needs to feel that he or she is special. So plan well and make the party a masterpiece of your friendship.

In addition to the black balloons, funny cards, and gag gifts, plan activities to make your friend laugh. What does he or she enjoy? Let your imagination go.

So who says you can't have a special 42nd or 53rd? Or be like Alice in Wonderland and put on a special "unbirthday." 

 So you are planning the 40th birthday party for a friend. Good for you. Not only have these first-of-decade observances become a fad, they are an important rite of passage for today's midlifers. Your friend will feel better for having experienced one. Following are some tips to help make your party a success.

Turning 40 or 50 is traumatic regardless of what your friend may say. These milestones in the life cycle create much anxiety and self-doubt. Simply ignoring the occasion will not help either. Your friend needs to feel that he or she is special. So plan well and make the party a masterpiece of your friendship.

Having fun may be the overriding passion of midlife. We fear loss of youth and with it the loss of youth's joys. But fun is not something we must lose along with hair or muscle mass. In fact, midlife can be the most enjoyable time of life yet. Here is your chance to prove it.

In addition to the black balloons, funny cards, and gag gifts, plan activities to make your friend laugh. What does he or she enjoy? Let your imagination go. How about children sharing Mom or Dad's most embarrassing moment? Or what about a 50s' dance, or a trip to some fun and unexpected place?

Midlifers worry about significance. Has their life mattered? Will it in the future. Your party provides a good chance to answer yes. At my 40th, friends provided me with a book of appreciation--each page filled with grateful words of another friend. It is a valued keepsake long after the party is over. Be creative. Someone may want to read a poem or sing a song in honor of your friend.

Nostalgia should be a key part of any midlife birthday party. We enjoy the special memories of days gone by. I surprised my wife on her 40th by bringing in old friends whom she had not seen in years. We did a "this is your life" with voices from off-stage asking things like "remember when we switched dates at the prom?"

Perhaps at this point you are wondering how to fit all of this into one party. I have two suggestions: one, you may not be able to be as elaborate on each point. If you go all out on remembering the past, do something simple with appreciation. And two, you may want to spread the party out. I invited all my wife's family and friends for an afternoon celebration; then only a few adult friends for a more intimate evening.

Finally, use the party to reinforce your friend's hope for the future. Perhaps someone could write a prophecy for the next 40 years. If so, make it both funny and encouraging. And you don't have to be overly creative or elaborate. A simple round of toasts with words of appreciation and well-wishes will do.

I hope these suggestions will help you give your friend his or her best birthday party yet. Perhaps some of you are thinking "I wish I had done this for my friend or spouse, but their 40th or 50th has already come and gone." So who says you can't have a special 42nd or 53rd? Or be like Alice in Wonderland and put on a special "unbirthday." Start planning now; your friend is worth it!

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